NPR ran a story tonight: "Rethinking 'Retarded': Should It Leave The Lexicon?" (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112479383).
I wrote a response:
"You're such a retard" implies, "you're acting the way I imagine someone with an intellectual disability would act." "That's so retarded," a more passive usage, implies, "That's messed up in a way that reminds me of people with intellectual disabilities." And, in both cases, the implication is that it is a bad thing to act the way someone with an intellectual disability would act. I have a three-year old daughter with Down syndrome. She has introduced me to a world of children and adults who often go unnoticed by the rest of society. Many of them learn more slowly. In my daughter's case, her physical development is delayed. And yet my daughter also teaches me about joy and compassion and patience and any number of virtues I hope to cultivate in myself, any number of virtues I hope to see in the world around me. No one is thinking of my daughter when they use the word "retard." And yet that word only reinforces our culture's history of failing to see the value of individuals who are outside the norm. To remove "retard" and "retarded" from everyday usage would be one more step towards recognizing people with Down syndrome and other genetic differences as whole and valued human beings, with much to offer.
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2 comments:
Hooray for mama bears who tell the truth!
Amen! Preach it, sista. I still struggle with wanting to correct the situation when people use the word "retard"/"retarded" as if it is a negative. Different is not equal to bad or negative. It frustrates me so much. I love many children and people who fall under the category of being developmentally or cognitively disabled, and some of them are far more incredible individuals than "normal" people I know. What IS normal, anyway?!
What is most sad to me is that there is so little understanding in our culture, so little effort to get to know actual people beyond categorizing and judging out of fear and lack of knowledge. Like you said, you might miss an entire population of people!
One of the students I worked with at Extra Special People (www.extraspecialpeople.com) a few years ago now, had a sort of outburst one morning. He wanted attention and began taking off his shirt for the crowd, saying "Look at me! I'm retarded! Retarded! Retarded!"
It was so sad, because you could see in that instant that he had been pointed at and laughed at, and called retarded. He was so used to the negative attention and cruelty that he took it upon himself, probably because it had become so habitual for him.
I think was is most sad about the "R" word, as my friends call it, is that it has taken on so many poor and uninformed connotations and doesn't leave room to love, share, relate, or grow. It is a stagnant, distancing, hurtful word.
I'm glad to read your post, and thankful that you are such a loving, dedicated, supportive mother.
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